I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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