I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
