yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
