I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I will pee on everything he values.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
