at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
he thought i was a dude.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
