My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
