6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
