my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
