trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
