i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
