i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
