Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
from now on my penis is your penis
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
