Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
