I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
