When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
