Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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