just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
