I CAN MOONWALK!
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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