The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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