the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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