I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
