I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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