You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize