So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
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