I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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