Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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