I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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