"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I stole a fireplace last night.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
