We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
