I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
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