where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
