her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
