a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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