i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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