He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
You need a sexual gate keeper
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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