Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Randomize
