apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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