Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
