You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
