I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
