i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
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