my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
