i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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