My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
