dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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