Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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