I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
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We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
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He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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