I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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