im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
