I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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