Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
