Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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