I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Rumble strips road head = magical
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
