you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
i believe in u and ur pee
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