I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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