How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
