She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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