you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
