Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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