he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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