i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
