Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
