is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
