so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Randomize
