I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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