There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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