We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
