is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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