Slut skills are useful in every country.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize