So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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