Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Can you bring me the toilet please
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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