On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
