We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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