I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
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