Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
