Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
it hurts more in the daytime
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
