Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
