Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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