Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize
