I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
